I’ve heard many people speak of the excitement they feel regarding the arrival of 2024. I feel it too!!! What an amazing year this year promises to be! Since this year promises to be a potent, juicy, magical year, let’s face our shadows so we can experience this year more fully, joyfully, and from a more empowered place.

“Hold up…what is a ‘shadow’”, you ask? The shadow is that part of yourself that you ignore, deny, or keep hidden…or secret…because you judge it to be unacceptable based on what you’ve learned or have come to believe about yourself or a behavior. It is often a subconsciously or unconsciously suppressed thought or behavior. Well, what’s the problem with not facing your shadows, you ask? Your shadows can run you by coloring how you think, feel, behave, and react to experiences around you that may be incongruent with who you are, and to what you truly feel and want. What can result is your living in a way that feels confining, stuck, and challenging when you try to move forward with a project, a relationship, work, or with another part of your life. And, here’s the kicker: When you find challenges happening in one part of your life, chances are good that they are showing up in other parts of your life as well. Your answers and solutions for moving forward often appear when you can recognize what is true for you, and honor how you honestly feel. Those raw spaces and hurt places have a chance to heal when they are exposed to the light of day and to your true assessment of whether you are carrying them because of what someone else taught you versus what you truly believe at your core.

Here is an example of how a dark shadow can develop in childhood and play out in adulthood: When you were upset over something someone did to you when you were child, were you ever told the old saying, “Sticks and stones may break your bones but names/words will never hurt you”? Intellectually, this saying is correct. However, if your feelings were truly hurt and you were actually upset, this saying may have taught you that your feelings were wrong and that there’s something wrong with you if you can’t just “suck it up”. Fast forward to adulthood: You are in an emotionally or verbally abusive relationship, you’re having trouble with a dismissive co-worker or boss, and/or you have friends who behave disrespectfully toward you. You know you feel diminished in some way when you’re around them and you sense that you feel angry, sad, unnerved, etc. but you can’t understand why and you make yourself wrong for feeling the way you do. You are also avoiding confronting your partner/co-worker/boss/friend because you’re still “sucking up” the bad behavior, which results in your feeling your feelings more intensely. OR perhaps you are the one who becomes dismissive when someone expresses their feelings because their openness makes you feel uncomfortable and out of control. These are examples of your dark shadow showing up in live and blinding color.

So, how do you address your dark shadows when you’re feeling reactionary or are trying to suppress an emotion? The first thing is to recognize that there’s nothing “wrong” with you. Just because you received faulty messaging that doesn’t align with you doesn’t mean that you are in the wrong. The second thing is to be willing to get messy. If you’re open to feeling messy emotions, the rest is relatively easy to take in. Next, connect with how you FEEL. Your body always knows and reflects clues to your emotional state. Additionally, share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences with someone. Oftentimes, the energy of your heighted emotions can dissipate when you share what’s happening and you’re feeling.

“What if I’m having trouble with feeling and sharing? What if I’m just plain stuck,” you ask? That’s easy. Set up a discovery call with me and let’s have a chat about what you’re experiencing and how I can help. It’s time to break out of the rut; you don’t have to struggle alone. I’m also well resourced. If you have any questions or needs that extend beyond my skill set I’m happy to share information and resources on how you can get those needs met.

Please reach out. Let’s make 2024 a wonder-filled year!