Uncover Your Golden Shadow

When we talk about shadows, people often think in terms of how we hide our darkness. Did you know that you are also capable of hiding or disregarding your light? That’s the golden shadow. Let’s unpack what it means, how it shows up, and how to uncover the golden parts of you so you can shine more brightly.

The golden shadow is the name given to what happens when you hide your gifts, your wisdom, and the things that make you special in order to get along with others. Maybe you were shamed for liking something that others didn’t like, for behaving in a way that made others uncomfortable, or for having beliefs that didn’t resonate with people you liked and wanted approval from. If you were taught that your light made others uncomfortable, you may have tried to dim your shine to fit in or keep the peace.

Here are some examples of how golden shadows can manifest: 1. a little girl with a big heart and strong opinions was taught from a young age that her opinions were unwelcome and silly. As an adult, she has difficulty expressing what she thinks, wants, and needs and has a hard time giving authentically because she fears ridicule. 2. A sensitive boy is told from childhood that boys who feel and express emotions are “pansies”. So the boy suppresses his emotional side and makes himself wrong when he gets emotional. As an adult, he’s become hard and has difficulty connecting with loved ones because he still fears being considered to be a pansy. 3. A woman has a partner who belittles her interests. Although she tries to avoid listening, there is a little part of her that begins to believe him. Little by little, she loses interest in her pursuits until she stops participating in her interests altogether. She’s also lost her light in the process. 4. A man who has a high-status, high-paying (and soul-crushing) job finally admits that he hates his job and life. He confides to a friend that if he’d felt comfortable honoring his interests, he would have become a history teacher instead of the high-paying profession he chose. He states that he chose his career because he wanted to impress others and to be respected instead of inspired.

Aren’t these examples heartbreaking? Sadly, they are experiences people I know have had. The problem with denying the things that light you up is that you are living out of alignment with the truth of who you are and, subconsciously or unconsciously, you know it. You may also be able to sense how you’ve betrayed yourself by trying to keep yourself safe. You may or may not know that you’re doing it, but the truth is that living from a place of safety to mask fear doesn’t feel good. I’m going to let you in on a little secret: I spent DECADES living under the radar out of fear that I’d be ridiculed if I failed. I also feared that, if I succeeded, I’d be criticized, belittled, and shamed for who I am, what I do, and what lights my fire. I was belittled and shamed a lot as a child and I did a lot of hiding and under-achieving as a result. I’ve done a lot of work to heal from the traumas and my self-imposed patterning and I’m living more boldly now. I’m not going to lie, although I’m showing up in my truth more than ever, there are times when I retreat into my fear, and I tell myself all kinds of stories regarding why I can’t or “shouldn’t” do the things I feel passionate about. The spectre of retreating in fear may always be there for me but I’m grateful that I know how to handle it, move beyond it, grow, and thrive now. And I am also witnessing my willingness to act more boldly in all areas of my life as well. How cool is that???

So how do you uncover your golden shadow? By understanding the lies others told you to keep you “in line”. By recognizing the lies you’ve told yourself to maintain the peace, to hide your fear, and to keep you safe. By committing to honor your dreams and interests despite others’ judgments regardless of the risks. By becoming your own best advocate and cheerleader. By reframing the negative tapes you play in your head to tapes that support the truth of who you are. And by reaching out to others who can support you in positive ways to keep you motivated and focused.

The truth is that we all have unique gifts that are worth sharing. You may have gifts that are similar to what others offer but you are the only one who can deliver the gifts you bring in your special way. Let that sink in. I’m not having a “Cumbaya” moment; I’m being serious. It may feel mind-blowing to hear that but it’s true. Your unique gifts, perspective, and way of approaching life can inspire others who may need what you have to offer. Schedule a discovery call with me if you’d like to know how I can support uncovering your golden shadow. It is one of the most important gifts you can give to yourself.

I will leave you with this poem that has inspired me for years, “Our Deepest Fear” by Marianne Williamson.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking, so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”